Lies We Believe About Children: A Recap

Sorry for the delay, but here is the recap of the parenting section of Lies Women Believe, found on pages 84-87 of the companion guide:

• LIE: IT'S UP TO US TO DETERMINE THE SIZE OF OUR FAMILY.
• TRUTH: God is the Creator and Giver of life. Anything that hinders or discourages women from fulfilling their God-given calling to be bearers and nurturers of life furthers Satan's schemes and aids his efforts.

Psalm 127:3-5

• LIE: CHILDREN NEED TO GET EXPOSED TO THE "REAL WORLD" SO THAT THEY CAN LEARN TO FUNCTION IN IT.
• TRUTH: Our task is not to raise children who can fit into this world or merely survive in it but to bring up children who will be used by God to change the world.

Psalm 92:13-15

• LIE: ALL CHILDREN WILL GO THROUGH A REBELLIOUS STAGE.
• TRUTH: Parents cannot force their children to walk with God, but they can model godliness and cultivate a climate in the home that creates an appetite for God and is conducive to the spiritual nurture and growth of their children.

Psalm 103:17; 144:12; Isaiah 54:13

• LIE: I KNOW MY CHILD IS A CHRISTIAN BECAUSE HE PRAYED TO RECEIVE CHRIST AT AN EARLY AGE.
• TRUTH: Parents who assume their children know the Lord, regardless of their lifestyle, may be giving their children a false sense of security and may not be praying appropriately for their children.

Ephesians 5:5-6

• LIE: WE ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OUR CHILDREN TURN OUT.
• TRUTH: Parents have enormous influence in molding the lives of their children by their example, their teaching, and their leadership.

1 Corinthians 11:1

To say that children are precious to the Lord is an extraordinary understatement. We cannot fathom the depth of His love for each and every one of them, and as the individuals whom He has so graciously and generously chosen to care for them on this earth, we, their parents, need to make sure that we are treating our task with the gravity and attention that it deserves. Even if you are not a parent, I can almost guarantee you that there are children in your life, whether within your family or at your church, who need to see Christ and His principles being lived out in you just as much as in their parents. It's often the "cool" aunt or uncle or family friend that those kids are going to want to be like. Make sure that you are choosing to live your life in a way that honors and glorifies the Lord in every way. And remember to PRAY! Prayer, prayer, prayer!!! Pray ever so hard for the hearts and souls of every little child in your life whether they are your own or not. Never stop fighting for those kids. Satan sure won't, so we must make sure we are putting up the best fight we've got through prayer and washing in the Word!

Lie No. 31: We Are Not Responsible For How Our Children Turn Out

So, it's been a while, but here's the last lie in the parenting chapter. DeMoss says in her book, "When children rebel, it seems that Satan often causes parents to swing from one [lie] to the other. They are either overwhelmed with shame or they escape into irresponsibility. Both lies are actually subtle distortions of the Truth and can leave parents with a sense of despair and hopelessness." p. 183

She goes on to give a few examples from Scripture, and I think the story of Lot is extremely relevant to our culture today:

"The story of Abraham's nephew, Lot, illustrates the influence of a parent's example and values. Lot opted for a lifestyle of ease, affluence, and popularity. His worldly values led him to move his family to a city characterized by arrogance, immorality, and perversion.... The New Testament tells us that Lot was a 'righteous man.' Lot did not personally participate in the outright wickedness of Sodom; in fact, he was 'tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard' (2 Peter 2:8). But though he was a believer, he did not guard his heart; he had an appetite for the things of this world. Lot tried to live with one foot in the kingdom of God and one foot in the world. By his example, he led his family into a love affair with the world." p. 184

This story could be rewritten today with a large majority of Christian parents' names inserted in place of Lot's. We have convinced ourselves that we can live in the world and not become part of it. The line between the world's values and God's values has become so gray that we can't even see it anymore. The idea of being set apart, of being salt and light, has all but disappeared. We read the Bible to our kids, but then we behave as if we don't really believe any of it ourselves. We tell them that beauty in God's eyes lies in the heart, but then we idolize the shallow, empty approval of whoever is behind those ridiculous fashion magazines as we desperately try to look like the model on the cover. We tell them that our treasure is in heaven, but then they see us drooling over the latest gadgets and trying to figure out how we can manipulate the budget so we can go buy them. We tell them that it's what we do to further God's eternal kingdom that measures success in life, but then we demonstrate to them by our own thirst for "success" that if they don't go to college, make money, climb the ladder, and live the "American dream," they have failed somehow to live up to their potential. Is it any wonder, then, that our children are doing as we do rather than as we say?

We need to get our own heads and hearts into the right line of thinking and then we need to pay attention to the words we're reading in Scripture, and begin truly living them out. This is not our home. We are aliens here, and we need to live like it. WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FIT IN. We're supposed to be a little weird, maybe a lot weird. The world should be able to look at us and KNOW that we are Christians. Our children need to see that in us. They need to see that we are unashamed of the gospel, that we are proud to follow Christ and ALL that he commands. And we need to be praying for our kids. We need to remember that our battle is not "against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12) We need to be on our knees, FIGHTING for our children. You are in a real, honest to goodness, battle, and if you don't think so, you are playing right into the enemy's hands.

Give your children the foundation they need in order to stand firm in a world that wants nothing more than to see them get down in the mud with the rest of humanity. FIGHT FOR YOUR KIDS BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL!

"Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ." 1 Corinthians 11:1

Lie No. 30: I Know My Child Is A Christian Because He Prayed To Receive Christ At An Early Age

I'm going to deviate a bit today from parenting and address this from a more general standpoint. Since Patrick is not old enough for this to be something I can relate to as a mother, I am going to talk about what I can relate to, and what I think we all will be able to relate to, no matter where we are in life. So as you're reading today, think about how this message applies to your friends, your family, your children if you have them, and even yourself. While we can know with absolute certainty that once we make a true profession of our faith and a true conversion takes place within our hearts, we can never lose that secure salvation, we must ask ourselves and evaluate honestly whether that genuine conversion ever actually took place or not. And I think we would all be shocked at the number of professing Christians out there who quite possibly never really surrendered their lives to Christ and are in danger of spending eternity apart from Christ.

Here are a few quotes from DeMoss's book on the issue:

"However, the Scripture is clear that a person may know all about God, say all the right things, and even have deeply religious experiences- without ever being converted....

The essence of true salvation is not a matter of profession or performance; rather, it is a transformation: 'If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!' (2 Corinthians 5:17). The man or woman who has been truly converted has a new life, a new heart, a new nature, a new allegiance, and a new master: 'For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves' (Colossians 1:13)....

For parents to assume that their children have been born again when their lives give no such evidence can have several dangerous results. It can lull those children into a false sense of security about their eternal destiny. It can keep parents from praying appropriately and waging spiritual battle on behalf of their children's souls. It gives rise to a form of 'cheap grace' that demeans the person and blood of Christ. It fills our church pews with members who think they are OK. They believe this even though they have no relationship with Christ and their lives are blaspheming the Word of God and causing the world to wonder about what Christianity really is.

It is certainly possible for those who have been truly converted to disobey God or to have a period of backsliding. But no true believer can sin willfully and habitually without experiencing the conviction of God's Spirit.

The Truth is, no matter how 'house-trained' a son or daughter (or a mom or dad!) may be in spiritual matters, no matter how fervent they may have appeared to be at one time, if they do not have any heart or hunger for God, if they have a consistent pattern of rejecting the Word and ways of God, they need to be challenged to reconsider whether they were ever really converted in the first place."

The evidence of true conversion in a person's life can be seen in the fruit that they bear. And that fruit, in the simplest terms, can be found in Galatians 5:22-23: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control." One test of a true conversion in a person's life is to look for these character traits as evidence of the presence of the Holy Spirit in their life.

Here are some other verses that tell us what the evidence of a true conversion looks like:

"For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end." Hebrews 3:14 Has that initial "spark" faded? Was there perhaps a strong emotional experience that occurred at one time that lacked a true conversion? We all go through dry spells at times, but if there is a brief time period of extreme excitement followed by an unending period of complacency or a return to old habits and priorities, it may be safe to assume that this person never really committed their life to Christ.

"Now by this we know that we know Him, if we keep His commandments. He who says, 'I know Him,' and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoever keeps His word, truly the love of God is perfected in him. By this we know that we are in Him." 1 John 2:3-5 As I have stated many times before, our actions or lack thereof, do not save us. However, faith without works is dead, and if we are truly a follower of Christ, that will be reflected in whether or not we obey his commands. This is a sensitive area because there have been many people, especially in current times, who would like to try to redefine the definition of sin as it applies to our lives today to make it more relevant, more culturally acceptable, and more comfortable. I will say it again: WE MUST USE THE BIBLE AS OUR ONE AND ONLY STANDARD, and we have to be honest with ourselves about what God considers to be sin, which is a much more broad definition than most people would like to believe. A lot of people have tried to narrow sin down to only be the really "bad" things, excusing away all the rest of it as just being "human." Please be very careful in how you define sin. Sin should never be comfortable, and if you have the Holy Spirit living in you, you should sense that conviction when you are doing something that is displeasing to the Lord. Just because you have justified something to yourself does not mean that God doesn't see it differently. And if you are living your life in repeated sin in a particular area, and not experiencing that inevitable conviction, you may be in danger of not actually having the Holy Spirit within you. It is also quite possible to willingly push that conviction aside, but that is a topic for another post.

Be very discerning when making assumptions about whether or not you or someone you love is actually a Christian. Never simply assume that the people you love are eternally secure. Pray fervently for your children, your family, your friends, and be honest with yourself about your own walk with God. It is a very healthy and normal thing to wonder about these things. In fact, if it never occurs to you to ask these questions, even if you think you already know the answers, your salvation may not be as secure as you think. YOU CAN NEVER LOSE YOUR SALVATION, but it is very possible to believe you are saved when in fact you are not. This is not an issue to take lightly. It is the single most important thing in your life. Treat it as such.

"For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person- such a man is an idolater- has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient." Ephesians 5:5-6

Lie No. 29: All Children Will Go Through A Rebellious Stage

One thing I quickly discovered when I became pregnant with Patrick was that people, including Christians, expect children to be a handful. More than a handful, really. They expect them to be downright bad. Maybe you have heard some of these phrases or even repeated them yourself:

"Enjoy the peace and quiet now because you're never going to have another moment of it again after that baby's born."

"Just wait until he can walk. You'll never be able to keep him in one place again."

"Just wait until he learns the word 'no.'"

"Just wait until those teenage years."

"Just wait..."

Even when they see the fruit of healthy, godly parenting in a peaceful, content, and obedient child, they assume that somehow the mother just got "lucky", or if you're in a Christian circle, "blessed." I can't tell you how many times in the last few months of being pregnant with baby number two I have heard variations of this same statement: "You got so lucky with your first baby. He's so good! You better watch out for number two. She's gonna be a handful!"

Of all the things to say to a pregnant mother, somehow, people think that terrifying her about the monster about to make it's debut into her life is the best route. And sadly, the most likely reason for this is that they themselves have experienced all of these terrifying scenarios personally, and simply assume that that's just how children are. And so it is passed on from generation to generation, and no one ever bothers to ask, "Could there be another way? Is it possible to raise children who truly love, honor, and obey their parents on a regular basis, and do it with truly joyful hearts?"

As Christian parents, we NEED to ask those questions, and we NEED to understand that the answer is a resounding "YES!" Just as we parents are all sinners who have absolutely no hope of accomplishing anything good without the help offered by the Holy Spirit, so our children are destined for rottenness without the help offered by us, their parents. Before a child is saved and has the Holy Spirit living within them, we must take on the responsibility of giving them the same moral direction and guidance that we, as adults, have learned to lean on the Holy Spirit for. As believers, the Holy Spirit is there to convict and encourage us daily, guiding us along the right path. We need to be that conscience and encouragement for our children until they are old enough to rely upon the Holy Spirit on their own. And even after that point, we need to continue to teach them and guide them in how to live obedient, submissive lives, as they grow into maturity.

This is no easy task. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee you that especially in the beginning, it will be much harder to adopt this style of parenting than it would be to just let your kids become the individuals that their flesh would naturally dictate for them. The amount of time and dedication that it takes to CONSISTENTLY enforce biblical discipline will seem overwhelming at times. But just as the life of a Christian is a lifelong battle, leading eventually to eternal reward, so the battle of parenting leads eventually to the sweet rewards of a peaceful, obedient child. Nothing good comes without great toil. So, the question is, are you willing to put in the work?

And remember, exactly as with our own Christian walk, you can work until your hands fall off, but if you are not relying on God to get you through every single step, you will accomplish nothing. The same goes for raising that child. Everything you do must be bathed in the Word and in prayer, both privately between you and the Lord, and as a family, washing your kids CONSTANTLY in biblical truths. And that, right there, is the primary drive behind my passion for mothers to recognize their God-given responsibility in being a full-time parent if at all possible. Again, I understand that there are times when a mother has no choice but to work in order to help feed her family, but those situations can often be changed by minimizing your lifestyle in order to fit the budget you have. Be careful about what is truly a necessity and what you can do without. You may enjoy having the big house, but if you have to move to a small apartment so that your children can receive the eternally vital teaching and training that they need from you, the sacrifice is well worth it! The same goes for homeschooling vs. public school. When your children spend more than half of their waking hours with another adult and 30 other influential children, they simply are not, no matter how hard you try, receiving the kind of consistent teaching and training needed in order to battle those spiritual fires successfully. We've already established that this work is going to be difficult; don't make it any harder on yourself and on your children than it needs to be!

Consider the following excerpt from Jonathan Edwards's Memoirs regarding his wife Sarah's parenting method and know that every word spoken there is absolutely within your capability as a mother with your own children:

"She had an excellent way of governing her children.... She had need to speak but once; she was cheerfully obeyed; murmuring and answering again were not known among them. In their manners, they were uncommonly respectful to their parents.... Quarreling and contention, which too frequently take place among children, were in her family wholly unknown.... Her system of discipline was begun at a very early age, and it was her rule to resist the first, as well as every subsequent, exhibition of temper or disobedience in the child, however young, until its will was brought into submission to the will of its parents; wisely reflecting, that until a child will obey his parents, he can never be brought to obey God." (quoted on p. 177-178 of Lies Women Believe)

Your children are, of course, human, and as a result, they have the same sinful nature that you do. As a result, they WILL disobey you at times, no matter what you do. Do not expect your children to be perfect. However, as we have discussed in previous posts about our own lives, just because we know that they will fail at times does not mean that we should expect it of them or excuse it within them. When they disobey, they should be met with love and acceptance, but also with discipline. They should always understand that while we love them unconditionally, we do not love their sin and there will be consequences for that sin. Just as your heavenly father rebukes those he loves, so we must do the same for our children. And, while I am still at the starting gate in my journey through parenting, I rest assured in the promises given to me in God's word, and can therefore assure you as well, that you will reap a glorious reward for all of your hard work should you choose to be the kind of parent that God is calling you to be.

"From everlasting to everlasting, the Lord's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children.... Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.... All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace." Psalm 103:17; 144:12; Isaiah 54:13

Some helpful resources: Babywise book 1 and book 2 by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam; Child Training Tips by Reb Bradley; and To Train Up A Child by Michael & Debi Pearl (Their methods can be a bit rigid; remember to implement lots of grace while still remaining firm in consistent discipline; also know that while "spanking" or use of the rod is a biblically encouraged method, it is never ok to physically abuse or beat your child. There are appropriate and inappropriate ways to handle this, so please approach prayerfully and seek guidance from a trusted pastor or leader if you are unsure how to safely administer this approach.)

Lie No. 28: Children Need To Get Exposed To The 'Real World' So That They Can Learn To Function In It

*Just a quick note: sorry it has taken me so long to get back to the Lies series. Things have been a bit crazy at our house lately, but I'm gearing up to finish this book sometime soon... I hope ;)*

This lie is one that has sadly been believed by such a large majority of the Christian community, and it's one that has already been repeated to me by more than one person in response to my plans to homeschool my children in the future. I will start by quoting straight from DeMoss' book:

"If Satan can't keep Christian women from bearing children, he will do his best to deceive them as to how their children ought to be brought up. He uses the same tactics with parents that he used with Eve. He convinced her that by eating the forbidden fruit, she would learn something she needed to know: 'When you eat of it your eyes will be opened... knowing good and evil' (Genesis 3:5). Satan was right- when Eve ate, her eyes were opened (v.7); she did learn something she had not known before- the experience of evil. The result of this knowledge was shame, guilt, and alienation from God and her husband.

God never intended that you and I should know evil by experiencing it for ourselves. His desire is that we should be 'wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil' (Romans 16:19). But Satan says 'You need to taste for yourself.' He says to parents, 'Your children need to taste for themselves. If you shelter them from the 'real world,' they will never be able to fit in and survive in it.'

The Truth is, our task is not to rear children who can 'fit in' or merely 'survive' in this world. The challenge of every Christian parent is to bring up children who love God with all their hearts, souls, minds, and strength; who have a vibrant, personal relationship with the Lord Jesus; and whose lives will be bright and shining lights, penetrating the darkness around them. Christian parents ought to be seeking to raise up not just 'good' children, but children who enthusiastically embrace the Truth, children who love righteousness and hate evil, children who will be used by God to change this world."

I think the author stated the point so clearly in this passage. I could go on about the specific priorities and attitudes that end up getting cultivated in a secular environment, but it all leads back to every single previous topic we've discussed regarding the priorities and beliefs we now have as adults. And where do you think they all got started? We all started out in school, surrounded by influential whispers, telling us who we needed to become and how we needed to do it.

We had a guest pastor at our church this past Sunday and he gave a very compelling sermon about finding our true identity in Christ. He pointed out that we all say we just want to be "normal", but what exactly is the "norm"? If you are comparing yourself to your friends, your family, even your pastors and spiritual leaders, you are falling so incredibly short of the standard of "normal" that God has prescribed for you. Our model of "normal" is Jesus Christ. Everything else is a sickening failure.

Our kids need to be learning that at the earliest age, and they need to be learning it in a controlled environment. Like the passage above stated, God did not intend for us to ever experience evil. We are to know it and understand it and be able to defend against it, but we are never to experience it. As parents, it is our job to talk to our kids about the things of this world at an appropriate time, to make clear to them the realities of this world, and to teach them what is right. And only when they are grown and have established a firm grounding in the right way of thinking and behaving should they be released to put those beliefs to the test.

I like the analogy that the blog author of Generation Cedar used for this argument:

"If a boy were to want to become a fireman, he would not be taken to a burning house and told, “go in and figure out how to put it out–that’s the best way to learn about fires.”

No, he would train alongside experienced firemen; he would read, learn and study the nature of fires. After a while, he would be given protective gear and taught how to use it. After that, he would be allowed to practice, in a controlled situation, with the experienced firemen, on a smaller scale.

Slowly, gradually, and carefully, he would be trained and little by little, allowed more opportunity to combat a real fire. One day, he would be fully ready to wage his own battle against that billowing enemy. But he would only survive if he had been properly and carefully trained along the way.

So it is with this spiritual battle. We MUST walk alongside our children until they are ready to wage war alone."

We have to figure out what exactly is our standard for success, how we define evil and sin, and how we define holiness. And if we are going to be true to God's biblical guidelines for living, then we need to make sure that our kids are being washed in that truth constantly and are not being bombarded with deadly spiritual fires before they are truly ready to put them out. As I close, I encourage you to think on the following verses and pray about how God would have you raise your children.

"I will set nothing wicked before my eyes; I hate the work of those who fall away; It shall not cling to me. A perverse heart shall depart from me; I will not know wickedness... My eyes shall be on the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me; he who walks in a perfect way, he shall serve me. He who works deceit shall not dwell within my house; he who tells lies shall not continue in my presence. Early I will destroy all the wicked of the land, that I may cut off all the evildoers from the city of the Lord." Psalm 101:3-4,6-8

"Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. They shall still bear fruit in old age; they shall be fresh and flourishing, to declare that the Lord is upright; He is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in Him." Psalm 92:13-15

Lie No. 27: It's Up To Us To Determine The Size of Our Family

So, here's the thing... I've been putting off writing this post for a while now, and there are a couple different reasons. One, while Luke and I have come a loooooong way in this area in a very short amount of time, it is still a very new and challenging concept to me, and one that I know without a doubt will have many people up in arms. Two, I feel like I can't possibly put into words the devastating extent to which we as a society, particularly Christians, are guilty of butchering this area of our lives. It really is overwhelming to even begin to try to verbally communicate the complexity and depth of this problem in the Christian family. In this area of my life, I have honestly felt like God has miraculously healed my blindness, and I went from seeing nothing to seeing everything practically overnight, and it's a little overpowering. I could probably write a book on the subject, but since there are already lots of books out there, I'll try to keep this as brief as possible, knowing that I can't possibly touch on every aspect of this crisis. (Can you tell that my current greatest struggle is in feeling like it's my responsibility to change the world? Trust me, I'm painfully aware.) For the purpose of this blog post, and as a check system for myself so I don't end up writing a novel, let's lay out two main ideas to talk about, and I promise I'll do my best to stick to them: 1. controlling our own lives vs. giving control to God; 2. how we view children.

Ok, so number one: Controlling our own lives. We as Christians talk about giving control over to God, but let's stop lying to ourselves. We are a society bent on control. We are all a bunch of control freaks. Let's just admit that. Everyone together now: "I LIKE BEING IN CONTROL." We do! We can't stand not knowing what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, and how it's going to happen. We like making plans. We call it organization, preparedness, RESPONSIBILITY (ugh, that's a big one when it comes to "family planning"). And ultimately, we want what makes us happy and comfortable. I find it so sickening that we are bombarded with temporary and permanent birth control commercials that promise we no longer have to be burdened with the hassle of children, that we can have the life WE WANT, that we can CONTROL every possible outcome, and make our lives the perfect little picture that we always imagined it would be. I'm sorry, but since when was it part of God's plan for us to be the ones making plans. Last time I checked, God had a perfect plan for all of us. Do you really believe that? It's like I mentioned in a post a while back, we have to be honest about our true intentions as we're making these "plans." Ok, so you've decided that you're going to have three kids. Why? Why three? Why not two? Why not four? Why three? What if God told you, I want you to have nine children. Would you be ok with that? It's ok to be a little freaked out by the prospect, but the point is, are you truly willing to take WHATEVER He gives you? Will you give up control of your life and say, your will be done, Lord, not mine. Can you say, God, I want what you want, even if that means I'm going to have eleven horribly ill pregnancies, even if that means I never get to have the career I thought I wanted so badly, even if that means my husband and I don't get to travel for the first five years of our marriage like we planned, even if that means my four kids are each only spaced 12 months apart and then you close my womb and I never have another one again, even if... I could go on and on endlessly. There are so many "horrible" scenarios that I'm sure we could all argue, but it doesn't change the fact that if that is God's will for your life, it is a GOOD thing, no matter how painful or difficult it may be in this life. Like I said in an earlier post, we are not all at the same place in our spiritual lives, and we are probably not all at a place where we can just take this leap, but if it's not something you're willing to do, then I ask you why? I ask you to talk to the Lord and seek his heart and ask him to help you get to that place. I'm really not even that concerned with the outcome. I am most concerned with the heart attitude. God knows your heart, even when you have convinced yourself that you believe otherwise, He knows your real reasons for making the plans you make. So do yourself a favor and be really really honest with yourself about WHY you make the choices you do, and how much you really trust God to work out HIS plan in your life.

Here are a few verses that speak to the heart of God concerning the family and his role in shaping it:

"But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? AND WHY ONE? HE SEEKS GODLY OFFSPRING." Malachi 2:15 (emphasis added)

"...but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. Nevertheless SHE WILL BE SAVED IN CHILDBEARING if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control." 1 Timothy 2:14-15 (emphasis added)

"When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, HE OPENED HER WOMB; BUT RACHEL WAS BARREN." Genesis 29:31 (emphasis added)

"And Jacob's anger was aroused against Rachel, and he said, 'AM I IN THE PLACE OF GOD, WHO HAS WITHHELD FROM YOU THE FRUIT OF THE WOMB.'" Genesis 30:2 (emphasis added)

"Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb." Genesis 30:22

"And He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your land, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flock, in the land of which He swore to your fathers to give you." Deuteronomy 7:13

There are countless verses that speak of God's divine hand in opening and closing the womb. If we truly believe this, then we have no fear in giving up our methods of "control" and simply allowing God to create new life as he sees fit, when he sees fit, as often as he sees fit.

Ok, moving on... How do we view children? Let's be honest, we view them as a commodity. They are another thing to add to our lives when the rest of our friends are moving on to that stage in their lives. We need the successful husband, the house, the car, the dog, and the two and half kids. But more than anything, we view them as a burden. Back to the birth control commercials, I was practically in tears watching one of the newest ones that shows a mom with her three kids who are spilling things, making noise, running mom in circles, and she looks longingly at the camera and says in dismay how she cannot possibly handle another one. Cue narrator to the rescue with permanent birth control, so you never have to worry about that pesky problem again. Whew. She has her life back. No more sacrifices for her. I understand the rest of the world buying into this garbage, but what on earth happened to the church to make us think this was even close to ok? Please, someone, I dare you, show me one verse in the Bible that refers to a child as a burden, a hassle, an imposition, an unwanted responsibility. I completely get the extreme difficulty of being a parent. Trust me, being pregnant and taking care of a 10-month-old, I get it. I really do. But Christ never said that our lives had anything at all to do with making ourselves happy and comfortable. We are called to suffer for him, and sometimes, being a mom feels like suffering. God never said that we had to walk around with a June Cleaver grin on our face like it's frozen that way. He simply said that we need to surrender all that we are and become willing servants, placing others, our husband and children primarily, ahead of ourselves. Is this really so difficult to understand?

Here are a couple verses that may help us get a better picture of how God views children, and if we truly want to be more like him, then we need to have this exact same attitude towards children, towards any and all children that he may want to give us, not just the two that we were planning for:

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:3-5

"Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.'" Matthew 19:13-14

Like I mentioned at the beginning, this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of the immense depth involved in this issue. There are so many more angles to this problem that would take pages to talk about, but as with every other topic we've discussed, it all comes down to defining your life in LITERAL biblical terms. I think one of the biggest concerns couples seem to pose over having kids is not being financially ready, but what makes you financially ready in God's eyes. Does he care if your kids' college education is paid for by you or even that they go to college? If they grow to honor and glorify the Lord, does it matter if they do it with a college education? If a college education is part of the picture for that child, then God will work it out. There are soooo many issues like this that we use as excuses to control our lives and plan them out the way we want instead of relying on God to work out his perfect plan. Get in the habit of asking yourself "Why?". Open up your Bible, and honestly ask yourself, "Do my reasons line up with God's reasons?". If they don't, or you can't find one good verse backing up why you think they do, then maybe you should rethink your reasoning. Choose to honor God in all that you do and stop trying to make your life into what you think it should be.

Lies We Believe About Marriage: A Recap

Well, my pace has slowed, but my conviction has not. As hinted at in the previous post, I have been faced with many obstacles lately, but these trials have only spurred me on more to seek THE Truth and to communicate that truth with all who will listen. Thank you so much to all of you who have encouraged me in this area of ministry. Your sweet words have meant more than you could possibly know.

Better late than never... Here's the recap on the last section of lies we covered from pages 71-73 of the companion guide to Lies Women Believe:

• LIE: I HAVE TO HAVE A HUSBAND TO BE HAPPY.
• TRUTH: Happiness is not found in (or out of) marriage. No one person can meet my needs or make me truly happy. True joy can only be found through Christ.

Jeremiah 17:5-8

• LIE: IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO CHANGE MY MATE.
• TRUTH: A godly life and prayer are a wife's two greatest means of influencing her husband.

Proverbs 21:1,9

• LIE: MY HUSBAND IS SUPPOSED TO SERVE ME.
• TRUTH: If I expect to be served, I will be disappointed. If I seek to serve without expecting anything in return, I will never be disappointed.

Genesis 2:18

• LIE: IF I SUBMIT TO MY HUSBAND, I'LL BE MISERABLE.
• TRUTH: Submission places me under the covering and protection of God.

1 Peter 3:1-2

• LIE: IF MY HUSBAND IS PASSIVE, I'VE GOT TO TAKE THE INITIATIVE OR NOTHING WILL GET DONE.
• TRUTH: In God's design for marriage, the husband is the initiator. If a woman takes the reins rather than waiting on God to move her husband, her husband is likely to be less motivated to fulfill his God-given responsibility.
• LIE: SOMETIMES DIVORCE IS A BETTER OPTION THAN STAYING IN A BAD MARRIAGE.
• TRUTH: Marriage is a lifelong covenant. There is no marriage that God cannot heal. There is no person God cannot change. God's grace is sufficient, even in the most difficult or extreme circumstances.

Marriage and the home are the most precious and sacred things we have after our relationship with Christ. We need to guard them as such. If all Christian couples and families everywhere did nothing but devote their lives to building biblical marriages and raising God-fearing children in the truest sense, we would see a transformation take place on this planet that is absolutely incomprehensible. We are missing the mark by such an extraordinary distance and we don't even know it. I'm not talking about unbelievers. I'm talking about church-going, God-worshipping, Bible-reading Christians. We have missed the point, and it's time we came back to the true calling that God has placed on our lives. Let husbands be husbands as they were meant to be. Let wives be wives as they were meant to be. Let parents raise their own children for a change. I pray that the church would realize how much like the world we have become.

Up next: Lies we believe about children. Get ready to start digging!

Update and Quick Marriage Section Wrap-Up

Sorry folks! I have not been very good about keeping these posts going. Lots on my plate lately and really feeling the strain of pregnancy, plus nursing, plus all the other Patrick-related things, plus life, plus some worrisome bouts of depression (please keep me in your prayers!). I am blessed with an incredibly sensitive and attentive husband, as well as wonderful family and friends that are helping me get through this new stage of my life. God is so good, and I am daily reminding myself that my feelings are never a reliable indication of the work God is doing in my life or the perfect plan He has for me. If we listened to our feelings instead of God's word, we would all be in serious trouble. (Hmmm, maybe this is what's wrong with the world... just a thought.)

Anyways, I just wanted to wrap up this marriage section. There are two more lies in this chapter of the book that I am not going to spend a lot of time on, but I did want to just mention them here. Lie number 25 says, "If my husband is passive, I've got to take the initiative, or nothing will get done." This one really goes hand in hand with the last lie we covered about submission. The point again, is that we as wives need to be submissive to our husband's will, sharing our thoughts and opinions about life decisions, but ultimately following his lead. What if that leads us into bankruptcy because of my husband's inability to handle money? What if the kids are unruly because my husband doesn't know how to discipline?... Well, what if? Will it be the end of the world? Maybe that's what God will use to grow your husband. Maybe you will have to walk through the valley for several years before you can walk up on the mountain. God never said that our husbands would be perfect or that they would even make the right decisions. He simply said that we need to submit to and respect our husbands unconditionally.

Lie number 26 says, "Sometimes divorce is a better option than staying in a bad marriage." I feel like this one is rather obvious, at least for the audience reading this blog, so I'm not going to expound on it much. Divorce is not an option. Work it out. Despite popular opinion, love is not a feeling; it is a choice. Choose to love your husband no matter what.

A little side note: I really felt like God was laying it on my heart to express something to whoever is reading this blog. Though it is painfully obvious to me, it may not be so evident in the way that I write, that I have by no means perfected even one of these biblical principles. When I write about these lies in such a strongly-worded and direct way, it is often out of anger at myself for being so foolish and selfish in missing the point. I feel as the disciples must have felt when Jesus asked them, "Don't you know or understand even yet? Are your hearts too hard to take it in? 'You have eyes- can't you see? You have ears- can't you hear?' Don't you remember anything at all?" Mark 8:17-18. Harsh words from this man that we love to paint as gentle Jesus, meek and mild.

If I come across as harsh or uncompromising or even narrow-minded, it is because I see the sin and error in my own life, and can pretty safely bet that I'm not alone in my blunder. And if you read through the new testament, look at the words and actions that Jesus took in response to people who were so ignorantly walking in their own selfish sin, particularly the ones who were claiming to be followers of God, his words were anything but pretty. Somehow we have mistaken grace for a blind eye. Grace comes into the equation when we are offered heaven instead of hell. Grace doesn't say that it's ok to continue in our sin, even if we don't yet understand that what we're doing IS sin. You and I may not even be aware that a particular area of our lives can be construed as sin, but we should be ever striving to dig up every area of our lives, examining it closely, holding it up in the light of God's Word and asking Him to evaluate it and reevaluate it and convict us of any spot or blemish that we may be missing. And trust me, all of our lives, including my own, are chalk full of filthy rotten blemishes. Never accept that as just being human. You will never be perfect this side of heaven, but you should never, absolutely never, cease to say, "What now God?" There is always something else. You just have to be willing to get dirty and ask.

We are not all at the same place in our spiritual walk. There are many many things that I am still trying to figure out, and there are some things that have become clear (or at least clearER) to me in recent months and years, which I hope to share with all of you through these posts. I pray that we would be edified together and that we would be open to one another picking up shovels and digging into each other's lives together. I pray that we would hunger for the growth that comes when we lay aside our pride and dignity and humbly ask one another, "What sin do you see in my life? What have I missed that may be obvious to you?" Let us HELP one another! The sooner we all accept that we are filthy and depraved, and stop allowing hurt feelings and bruised egos to hinder our growth, the sooner we can stand together and get busy doing God's work on the earth. So get to digging!

Lie No. 24: If I Submit To My Husband, I'll Be Miserable

This is another one of those biblical principles that the church tends to shy away from because it's simply unpopular. So many of us have a negative view of what it means to submit, and rather than try to understand it, we reject it. I have actually heard friends say before that they didn't want to use the words "honor and obey" as part of their wedding vows because they just didn't like the idea of having to obey or submit to any man. I am woman, hear me roar... or some other junk like that.

I will say it again, as with all of these previous issues, the goal is not our happiness, but God's glory and honor. Marriage was not designed to make us happy. There is nothing wrong with being happy within a marriage; it is a wonderful thing. In fact, if we are living out that marriage the way that God intended, we will be joyful. Remember that joy comes from obedience. So how are we obedient?

"For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:22-24

"But wait a minute," you say. "You left out the part about husbands loving their wives. They have a responsibility too in all of this. Why should I obey if he isn't loving towards me?"

Husbands do, indeed, have a responsibility to love their wives, and he should love her and sacrifice his own needs for hers unconditionally, whether she obeys or not, simply because God commanded it. His obedience to God is not contingent on his circumstances.

Having said that, the same goes for wives. We are so quick as a society to say that men are just supposed to love their wives. They are supposed to be happy and content, no matter how much or how little respect they get from their wives. But when the tables are turned, we flip on the feminist switch, stomp our foot down, and say "I don't have to submit to anyone or anything. Just you try and tell me what to do."

Wives, no matter the condition of your husband's heart, attitude, and actions, down to every single infraction, short of forcing you to denounce God, you are bound by God's command and your husband's leadership. His act of being unloving does not give you a free pass to then branch off on your own and take the reigns. Our response should be, "Lord, I choose to submit to and obey YOU, and as a result, I will submit to and obey the husband that YOU have given me. I will do so ALL the time, in ALL circumstances, not just when I feel like it, not just when he 'deserves' it, not just when it's convenient, not just when he makes the 'right' decision... ALL the time, unconditionally, and for no other reason than that you have asked it of me."

It is important to remember these truths that DeMoss discusses on pages 147-148 of her book:

• Wives, you are not inferior to your husbands. Submission to authority is an act of obedience to God, and does not indicate that your worth is any less than that of the person you are submitting to.
• Husbands are not permitted to be harsh or dictatorial with their wives. They will be held accountable for their actions just as wives will be for theirs. Your obedience to your husband is not a free pass for your husband to abuse you, though his harshness is not a free pass for you to abandon your responsibility to God through marriage. If you or your children are in physical danger, I believe it would be wise to separate yourself physically from the situation. As this is not the case for most of us, however, we should not use these extreme cases as an excuse for all women to be rid of the shackles of marriage and obedience.
• Wives, you are to provide input and opinions about the issues you and your husband face. You do not need to sit back and keep your mouth shut in the home. God gave you a brain for a reason; he does intend you to use it and be a "helpmate" to your husband. Share your opinions with him privately. Express your concerns and ideas. Then trust him to take the information and make the decision that he believes to be best for your family, and allow him to do so. Never publicly criticize or argue with your husband.
• Husbands are not always right. When God told wives to submit to their husbands, he didn't say "because they are perfect and they will always make the right decision." They are human, they will fail at times, they will not always make the right decision. Our obedience to our husbands has nothing to do with whether or not they are right.

That last statement there is a tough one for many women to follow. How many times in your own marriage have you thought, "My husband has no idea what he's doing with our finances. I'll just do it myself." "He never even reads his Bible or goes to church. What does he know about leading a marriage. I'm better off just doing what I think is best and leaving him out of the picture." But think about these words from 1 Peter, and I will leave you with this:

"Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." 1 Peter 3:1-2

Lie No. 23: My Husband Is Supposed To Serve Me

A disclaimer: A wife is not to be her husband's slave, and a husband, under no circumstance, is ever to be a tyrannical king on his throne, never lifting a finger to serve his family. Having said that, and understanding that this is not the case for most of us, consider these words from Lies Women Believe:

"In the past couple of decades, there has been a significant movement challenging men to become men of God, to love their wives and children, and to express that love through sacrifice and service. What an encouragement it has been to see God stirring men and turning their hearts toward Him and toward their homes. However, in the midst of this emphasis, we women need to be careful that we do not lose sight of the primary roles God has given us to fulfill...

The Truth is that God did not make the man to be a 'helper' to the woman. He made the woman to be a 'helper' to the man. Of course, this does not mean that men are not to serve their wives and children. If men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, there must be the willingness to lay down their lives and become servants, even as Christ did for His bride.

But if we as women focus on what we 'deserve,' on our 'rights,' or on what men 'ought' to do for us, we will become vulnerable to hurt and resentment when our expectations are not fulfilled. Blessing and joy are the fruit of seeking to be a giver rather than a taker and of looking for ways to bless, serve, and minister to the needs of our families." p. 142-143

While the feminist movement, and as a result, the majority of women today, would like to look at the role of a housewife as demeaning and worthless, nothing more than unfair bondage, we must remember the value that God places on women as a result of their work as wives and mothers. As we discussed in the post on careers outside the home, "There is no greater measure of [the woman's] worth or success as a woman than the extent to which she serves as the heart of her home." p. 127 While there is nothing innately wrong with pursuing a career or having other hobbies, if God has given you a husband (and possibly children), you have no higher calling. You are to be a servant to that family above all else. And you are to do it with all that you have.

In a recent post on Generation Cedar, there was a link to a document called the True Woman Manifesto, in which this statement is made: "Men and Women are both created in the image of God and are equal in value and dignity, but they have distinct roles and functions in the home and in the church." Somehow, women have lost sight of their distinct roles and functions that God commanded, which have not changed in the last 2000 years despite popular opinion. Your mission field is your home. Are you serving there as Christ would serve, or are you too focused on chasing a career to meet the true needs of your family? There are times when we have no choice but to work, and having a "job" is not a crime; but when that job becomes the passion of your life, and you are now turning to your husband to help you accomplish your agenda instead of seeking to serve him, you have strayed from the path God laid out for you as a wife and mother.

DeMoss had this to say about her own mother and the "shallow" life she lived as a housewife: "Many women today would consider this lifestyle oppressive. But my mother was far from downtrodden. To the contrary, my father cherished and highly esteemed the partner God placed by his side and delighted to see her maximize her God-given potential and abilities." p. 145

"We are never more like Jesus than when we are serving Him or others. There is no higher calling than to be a servant." p. 144

For our generation, and even our mothers' generation, it goes against every fiber of our being to say that the life of a housewife is far more valuable and fulfilling than any career could ever afford us, because it has been so ingrained in our heads that to live the biblical, godly life is outdated and shallow, and that we are to serve no one, especially a man. And as hard as it may be to go against the grain of society, WE MUST USE SCRIPTURE AS OUR RULEBOOK, not the godless voices of countless feminists. The Bible is very clear about the SPECIFIC roles of the wife and mother, and it is our job to obey ALL those commands, not just the ones we like. How can you serve your husband today? How can you serve your children? If you are not married, how can you be a servant to someone in the church? We are all called to be servants. Go and serve!

"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.'" Genesis 2:18

Lie No. 22: It Is My Responsibility To Change My Mate

I'll be brief today. Whether your husband is floundering spiritually, or you're simply annoyed with his quirky little habits, we must remember that it is God's job to make him into the man that HE wants him to be, not our job to make him into the man that WE want him to be.

And the most effective tool we have in coming along side the work God is doing in his life is prayer. Prayer for him, that he would be sensitive to the voice of God, and that he would step out in faith to be the kind of spiritual leader God is calling him to be. And prayer for ourselves, that we would stop our whining and get out of the way so that God can work in his life without the burden of a nagging wife to weigh him down. The best thing you can do for your husband is to make sure that your own walk with God is where it should be and be an encouragement to him in every positive step he takes. Leave the hard work to God. Trust me, you're not cut out for it anyways. I know I'm not. It's not that their lives are such a horrible mess that it's beyond our capability; it's that God has them right where he wants them, and he is molding them into the men that He wants them to be, something we have no business attempting to do. And maybe, just maybe, all those little "flaws" that we're so concerned about will actually end up endearing them to us even more.

"The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord; he guides it wherever he pleases... It's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home." Proverbs 21:1,9

Lie No. 21: I Have To Have A Husband To Be Happy

And similarly... My husband is supposed to make me happy.

This is something that I struggled with terribly as a teen and as a young adult in high school and college, and it is something that I am learning to change, but have probably never really dealt with entirely. I have a wonderful marriage, but could it have gotten off to an even better start if I had learned to rest in the Lord entirely, BEFORE I got married? Perhaps.

I praise the Lord every day that He listened to my prayers as a young woman in the years leading up to my marriage to Luke. I prayed so intently that God would not allow me to date anyone but the man I was going to marry. I wanted so much to be able to share that sacred bond with one man and one man only, untainted by past experiences that would have taken precious pieces of my heart. But I definitely cannot say that my attitudes and actions mirrored those desires. Thankfully, though so painfully at the time, God cut every feeble attempt off at the root, never allowing even remote intimacy to develop in my life with anyone but Luke. And praise the Lord, He did the same for Luke in his life, reserving each of us entirely for the other.

There is no doubt in my mind that this marriage is ordained and blessed by God, but as I asked above, could it have been better? Could we each have been more grounded in our relationships with Christ before we attempted to love one another? Absolutely! Thankfully, God has blessed us abundantly in spite of our shortcomings, and we are in a position where we are able to encourage one another and grow together into deeper and more intimate relationships with our Savior. But those shortcomings have indeed produced obstacles in our marriage that add nothing but unnecessary turmoil at times.

As a young woman, I allowed my desire to be loved by a man outweigh my desire to be loved by my maker. I allowed my desire for audible praise and attention to outweigh my desire for the quiet acceptance of my heavenly father. I allowed my desire for physical touch to outweigh my desire for the intimate touch of Jesus. And those desires carried into my marriage. Now that I had acquired that love, praise, and physical touch of a man, I expected them to be perfect, to meet all those needs in the exact way I had always dreamed they would be met. And when he wasn't able to do that, as no man on earth would ever have been able to, I was met with disappointment.

What I failed to see, as we have all failed to see in every area of our lives, was that life is not designed to make me happy. Rather, I was designed to glorify God, and if I can do that with a husband, then God will provide one for me. If I can better serve him alone, then I will be alone. And within a marriage, the purpose is not to make one another happy but to serve and honor the Lord together.

"The Truth is that God has promised to give us everything we need, and if He knows a husband would make it possible for us to bring greater glory to Him, then He will provide a husband.

The Truth is that contentment is not found in having everything we think we want but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has already provided.

The Truth is that those who insist on having their own way often end up with unnecessary heartache, while those who wait on the Lord always get His best." p. 140

You know, I won't lie. There are certainly ways in which having a husband makes me "happy" as I had always hoped it would. It has been said by one of my pastors that money, people, and things can indeed make you "happy", but happy is not the goal; joy is the goal, and only the Lord can give you that. When Luke brings me flowers, it makes me happy, but then the flowers wilt, the moment is gone, and I am waiting for the next thing that will make me happy. Only when I learn to rest wholeheartedly in the Lord to provide me with EVERYTHING I need will I finally find true peace, joy, and contentment.

"This is what the Lord says: 'Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit."

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Lies We Believe About Priorities: A Recap

This last section was the shortest one yet, but took me the longest to get through... sorry 'bout that. Soooo sleepy lately. I guess I have a good reason though. ;) Here's a quick recap on the last three lies we've covered from p. 61-62 of the companion guide to Lies Women Believe:

• LIE: I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO EVERYTHING I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.
• TRUTH: There is time in every twenty-four-hour day to do everything that is on God's "to-do" list for my life.

Luke 10:38-42

• LIE: I CAN MAKE IT WITHOUT CONSISTENT TIME IN THE WORD AND PRAYER.
• TRUTH: It is impossible to be the woman God wants me to be apart from spending consistent time cultivating a relationship with Him in the Word and prayer.

Job 23:12

• LIE: A CAREER OUTSIDE THE HOME IS MORE VALUABLE AND FULFILLING THAN BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER.
• TRUTH: In the will of God, there is no higher calling for a woman than being a wife and mother, serving her family, and devoting her attention and efforts to ministering to the needs of her husband and children.

1 Timothy 5:9-10

It is so easy to lose sight of what our true priorities ought to be. In a world where the serve-yourself-first mentality is rampant, it is nearly impossible to refocus our lives into the image that God intended the family to portray. We serve and give out of whatever is left of our time and money and resources AFTER we have devoted what we deem to be sufficient time and attention to the career of our choice, the relationships of our choice, the activities of our choice... and if there is anything left, we think we are so generous when we "give" our family and the rest of the world the meager scraps that are left over. This is so upside down! Christ came not to be served but to serve. What makes us think we are owed anything more than that same life of servitude? Spend time with the God who created you, knows you inside and out, and loves you anyways... ask HIM to order your life... ask HIM to cultivate within you a heart set on HIS priorities instead of yours... and see how high He takes you.

Up next: Lies we believe about marriage.

Lie No. 20: A Career Outside The Home Is More Valuable And Fulfilling Than Being A Wife And Mother

This statement referenced as a lie will undoubtedly ruffle some feathers to say the least. Our feminist culture has so ingrained in all of us a way of life that is miles away from the life God has called us to and has made us not only comfortable with that shift but expectant of it.

We spend the majority of our lives at a job instead of in the home, where our work is plenty yet simply ignored. We send our kids off to day care or public school where they are raised by strangers and influenced by friends who have absolutely no vested interest in seeing them grow into men and women of God, and hope that in the few precious moments we have with them between school, sports, clubs, and bedtime, we can somehow manage to undo all the damage done in a day and even do some good in helping them become the individuals God has called them to be. (More on homeschooling at a later time.) For now, I am simply going to let the book speak for itself, because I feel the author has done a wonderful job of outlining the dilemma we as women have gotten ourselves into. The following quotes are from p. 124-131 of Lies Women Believe:

"Half a century ago, a handful of determined women set out to achieve a philosophical and cultural revolution. Convinced that women needed to throw off the shackles of male oppression, they wrote books, published articles, taught college courses, marched in the streets, lobbied Congress, and in a myriad of ways succeeded in capturing the minds and hearts of millions of women.

They redefined what it means to be a woman and tossed out widely held views of a woman's priorities and mission in life. Concepts such as virtue, discretion, domesticity, submission, and modesty were largely eliminated from our vocabulary, and replaced with choice, divorce, infidelity, and unisex lifestyles. The daughters and granddaughters of that generation have never known any other way of thinking.

One of the most devastating objectives and effects of this 'new' view of womanhood has been to demean marriage and motherhood and to move women- both physically and emotionally- out of their homes and into the workforce...

In determining our priorities as Christian women, we must first ask: Why did God make women?...(emphasis mine) In Genesis 2:18 we find the first and clearest statement of why God created woman:

The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'

There you have it- God created the woman to be a helper to the man- to complete him, to be suited to his needs. Her life was to center on his, not his on hers. She was made from the man, made for the man, and given as God's gift to the man...(emphasis mine)

Together, they were to populate the earth with future generations of men and women who would love God and seek to fulfill His purposes in the world. There is no greater measure of [the woman's] worth or success as a woman than the extent to which she serves as the heart of her home." (emphasis mine)

I will stop here for now before this turns into three posts in one. There is much to be said about what exactly the role of the wife and the mother should look like in the home, and there are large portions of Scripture dedicated to both of those topics. So, I will simply leave you with a reminder to turn to God's Word when ordering ALL areas of your life. This seems to be where we fall away from our purpose in life, when we try to take modern cultural beliefs and values and integrate them into what God originally intended our lives to look like. In everything that we do, we need to open up the Bible, read the instructions given to us, and ask, "Does my life line up with the LITERAL instructions given here? Am I THIS kind of wife? Am I THIS kind of mother? Am I raising my kids in THIS way?" In order to answer that last one honestly, you really have to be the one raising your kids, not the babysitter, not the public school system, not even their grandparents. Are YOU the one discipling your children full-time, or have you left that up to the world? They ARE being discipled into some belief system. Are you sure it's the one God wants them to have? Where are your priorities? What are your kids learning as they watch you (or don't watch you) live?

Paul has this to say about widows and the lives they lived as wives and mothers:

"A widow who is put on the list for support must be a woman who is at least sixty years old and was faithful to her husband. She must be well respected by everyone because of the good she has done. Has she brought up her children well? Has she been kind to strangers and served other believers humbly? Has she helped those who are in trouble? Has she always been ready to do good?" 1 Timothy 5:9-10

Does this describe the kind of wife and mother you are right now?

Lie No. 19: I Can Make It Without Consistent Time In The Word And Prayer

It is a common phrase at my church that the key to a fruitful Christian life is regular, reflective, consistent time in the Word and on your knees. I believe there are two reasons our pastors feel the need to reiterate this to us as a congregation over and over and over again. One, because it's absolutely true, and two, because despite it's simplicity, it is easily forgotten.

"If [Satan] can get us to try to 'live the Christian life' without cultivating an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus, he knows we will be spiritually impotent and defeated. If he can get us to do a great many things 'for God' without consciously seeking the will of God through His Word and prayer, we may stir up a lot of religious dust, but we won't do Satan's kingdom any real damage." p. 122

Whether we will admit this one out loud or not, we have all acknowledged it through our actions at one time or another. Every day that we choose to attempt to live life on our own without a planned, conscious approach to the throne, we are saying that we don't need God and that we are fully capable of getting through that day on our own. I think most of us, moms especially, seem to view a quiet time as a privilege, something we "get" to do if we have enough time left somewhere in the day for it. We feel like we are being selfish somehow if we tell our kids that they have to wait so that mom can sit down for 15 minutes in peace and read her Bible and pray. We have to understand that time with the Lord is not something that we just hope for like we hope for a peaceful bubble bath; it has to be something that is NUMBER ONE on our list of things to do, without question. If we combine this thought with yesterday's discussion of God's "to-do" list, there will never be a problem not only fitting in a quiet time, but prioritizing it. I guarantee you that this is one thing God has at the top of ALL of our lists.

If you desire to spend time with the Lord, He WILL give you the time that you need. That's not to say that the Enemy won't try to make you believe otherwise, and he is a very convincing liar; but if you are consulting God's "to-do" list instead of your own, you WILL have plenty of time to read your Bible and pray.

"I have not departed from his commands, but have treasured his words more than daily food." Job 23:12 (emphasis added)

Lie No. 18: I Don't Have Time To Do Everything I'm Supposed To Do

The next chapter of Lies Women Believe covers three lies that we believe about priorities. The first one is probably one that every single one of us has felt the pain of. There are never enough hours in the day. Whatever your life, whether you are a mother with six kids or a single woman with too many things on your plate, I'm sure you can all identify with this lie. In fact, you probably identify with it so well, that you may have a hard time acknowledging it as a lie. You might say something like this: "There's no lie about it. It's simple math. I have a list two pages long of all the things that I NEED to get done today, and given the number of hours in the day, there's no way I'll get them all done, not if I want to sleep tonight that is."

And if you run your life that way, then yes, I guarantee you will NEVER get everything done and still have energy and strength left at the end of the day. The problem, however, and the source of the lie, has nothing to do with the amount of time we are given within the day, and everything to do with what's on that list. The fact is that God knew exactly how much we would be able to accomplish within the course of an hour, a day, a month, a lifetime, and He has required no more and no less. Our job is simply to ask the Lord what is on HIS "to-do" list and trash the rest. That's it.

"The frustration comes when I attempt to take on responsibilities that are not on His agenda for me. When I establish my own agenda or let others determine the priorities for my life, rather than taking time to discern what it is that God wants me to do, I end up buried under piles of half-finished, poorly done, or never-attempted projects and tasks. I live with guilt, frustration, and haste, rather than enjoying the peaceful, well-ordered life that He intends." p. 119

The problem is that we have so allowed society and our own expectations of ourselves to create this impossible image of what our lives are supposed to look like. We have convinced ourselves that we are supposed to be able to do EVERYTHING, and do it all with a smile. Beginning in elementary school, it was drilled into our brains that we are to work our fingers to the bone to receive the best education possible, so we can go to the best college, where we can work even harder to further that education, while working a full-time job, and being active in a campus ministry, and being active in a local church, and possibly meeting and finding time to date our future husband, which leads to marriage, which leads to children, which now means we need to be the perfect care-taker of that husband and those kids, making sure everyone is fed, and clean, and clothed, and dropped off at soccer practice, music practice, science club, and youth group, all the while we are still pursuing a career (because we wouldn't want that high-priced education to go to waste), serving full time in a ministry at church, attending the women's bible study, finding time for a quiet time somewhere in there, and doing it all over again tomorrow. Whew! You may as well give up now!

GOD DID NOT DESIGN US TO BE SUPERWOMEN! HE DESIGNED US TO SERVE HIM AND THAT IS ALL THAT WE EVER NEED TO DO. It is that simple. Sit down. Breathe. Close your eyes. Close your mouth. And listen. Let God tell you what's on His to-do list, and do those things, AND ONLY THOSE THINGS, and this feeling of constant frantic exasperation will cease to be a part of your life. Don't try to do the things God asks of you, AND THEN _____. Do what he asks of you, and nothing else. And I can't tell you what that is. My "to-do" list from God will be nothing like yours. But He will show you his expectations for your life if you take the time to ask. And be willing to accept that some of the things, in fact, probably a lot of the things, on your list will not be on God's list. He may not ask that your floor gets mopped this week. He may not ask that you bake cupcakes for your daughter's class. He may not ask that your children be allowed to participate in every single school function, or any of them for that matter. He might just ask you to make a little extra for dinner and take some to your neighbor. He might just ask you to spend time reading to your children instead of washing their clothes (they're not really that dirty anyways.) He might just ask you to quit your job and come home to educate your children.

Are you willing to throw your list of must-dos, career goals, life priorities, even your personal wishes and desires out the window and honestly sit at God's feet and ask Him to write a new list for you?

"The fact is, we have no more or less time than any other human being who has ever lived. No one, regardless of his position or responsibilities, has ever had more than 24 hours in a day, 168 hours in a week, 52 weeks in a year.

In fact, the Lord Jesus Himself was given only a few short years on earth to accomplish the entire plan of redemption. Talk about a long 'to-do' list! Yet, at the end of His life, Jesus was able to lift His eyes to His Father and say, 'I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do' (John 17:4 KJV, italics added)." p. 118

There is absolutely no reason imaginable that we cannot, at the end of the day, at the end of our lives, say with the same satisfaction that we have glorified the Lord by finishing the work that he as given us. And if we have done that, we have done ALL that we need to do. The moment we add to or subtract from that list, that peace leaves us, and we immediately begin to fret, as we should, because we are trying to accomplish something that God has not given us the time or the energy to do, and without him, we have no hope or strength. Serve the Lord well, and serve Him alone!

"As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed them into her home. Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord's feet, listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, 'Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.' But the Lord said to her, 'My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.'" Luke 10:38-42