Tuesday, June 29, 2010

A Time of Rest

My life lately has been moving at such an accelerated pace, culminating with a trip to New York last week, the epitome of non-stop, fast-paced living. With two more trips planned for the summer as well as a move to a new house and the coming addition of another little family member, it doesn't look like my life is going to slow down anytime soon. However, for the moment, a break has been inserted.

I lost my youngest brother this past weekend. He passed away while we were gone, and my parents told me in person once we got home. We're not sure of all the details, but he died peacefully in his sleep. He has had medical issues his whole life, and it appears that either his heart stopped or he just stopped breathing. He was 20 years old, and would have been turning 21 on July 17th.

So, amid all the craziness, everything has been brought to a halt, and for the moment, we are simply resting.

While I am hurting so deeply right now, I must share with you the incredible peace God has given me, which I shared with a friend earlier today: I am not questioning God at this point. In fact, I'm really just resting in him for comfort and strength. There was something so peaceful about the way that he died. I don't know if this makes sense, but somehow because he didn't die as a result of all the crazy stuff he had gotten into in recent years, but was just taken peacefully in his sleep, it's so much easier to believe that God was just calling him home. Troy and I had had a few conversations about salvation recently, and he has grown up hearing the truth. He knew what it meant to be saved, and he said that he was. And while the choices he had been making lately as a result of all the pain in his life were contrary to what the life of a believer should ideally be, I have to believe that he really was saved. He had such a difficult life, but we were fortunate enough to be able to see how God was using his life to help and bless others in real and immediate ways. There's no doubt that his life was a powerful tool in God's workings. There's something so comforting in knowing that God finished the work in and through Troy's life and then called him home. It's like Paul said in Philippians, to live is Christ and to die is gain. And while I'm hurting so much for myself and for my family, I am rejoicing for Troy.

The whole time I was in New York, I was thinking about blogging. I have so many little vignettes waiting to get out. I want to continue with the Lies series; I have also been so inspired lately to do a post about several different songs that have been speaking to me so deeply recently; I am excited to share all of the wonderful treasures we found on our travels through New York City...

I felt almost guilty that my mind today was still coming back to the blog, like I shouldn't be doing something I enjoy when something so horrible has just happened to my family. But I am taking comfort in the fact that God is working all of this out for good, and I hope that even this blog and the joy that shines through it in spite of painful circumstances will be a part of that good work.

More joy-filled posts to come later... and rest for now.

God is good. All the time!


  1. Tarrah, what is Troy's FULL name???? Praying for you...I've been hurting for you and your family today. Losing my dad is not near the same as losing your young brother, but it is a loss of family. My dad lived long and full and in Jesus' eyes as you pointed out in the blog Jesus took Troy home for His reasons. God's purposes were fulfilled in Troy. That is the peace that passes all understanding working out in you!

  2. Thanks so much Jan. I'll message you with his full name.