Carry Me, Daddy!

...and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place. Deuteronomy 1:31

"Carry me!" Our Patrick is quite fond of this phrase, and even our little Olivia is now squeaking it out. They're little. They're weak. They tire easily. And when their legs can't carry them any further, they know that their daddy is willing and able.

It's been quite some time since I was carried by my daddy, but I still long for the feeling of safety and security and relief that those strong arms so faithfully offered. I may have long ago outgrown my earthly father's arms, but I will always fit perfectly into those of my heavenly Father. And over the past several weeks, I have been blessed enough to have experienced that first hand.

It really is true that when it rains, it pours! The past several weeks have been incredibly trying. And while we have been so joyously blessed with lots of new and exciting things, those blessings have also come with some not so fun side effects. We found out that we're expecting again(!), which has been so exciting, but of course, has brought "morning" sickness. We moved to a new house, which we love, but of course has required the very tiring (especially when you're pregnant) task of packing, moving and unpacking. On top of all that commotion, I managed to come down with a very nasty cough, which kept me awake throughout the night for about 2 weeks. Within 2 days of getting over the cough, I caught Patrick's cold and have been painfully riding that out for the last week or so. Thankfully, I do have to say that, while the morning sickness seemed to be very bad for about 2 weeks, it just disappeared once the cough started and hasn't come back!

Needless to say, I have been T I R E D!

Well, somewhere between moving and morning sickness (before I even knew the cough and cold were coming), I just knew that I was going to need supernatural help. And not just getting through the day to day stuff. I had lost the strength and desire to spend time in the Word. Every time I would pull out my bible and my study materials (maybe I just try to do too much), I would feel such an overwhelming sense of weakness and helplessness and just could not focus to actually study God's word.

At that point, I pulled out my prayer journal and started talking to God. I flat out told him what He already knew, which was that I was exhausted! And that I simply did not have the strength to walk with him anymore, at least not for now. I knew so well the dangers of growing apart from God and desperately did not want that. But I also knew that I just could not muster the strength to "walk".

And so I begged. I begged Him to carry me.

And the miraculous thing is that he did!

I could not walk with him, and so he carried me. For six weeks, he has carried me through the Christian walk. He has spoon fed his Word to me when I could not feed myself. My husband read to me. The perfect verses showed up from friends on my Twitter feed, on Facebook, in emails, on my iPhone's YouVersion daily Bible verse and in music.

I may have stopped "eating", but I have not gone hungry.

You would expect that during a time when I was barely eating, in a sense, I might be hanging on by a thread to the Lord, not really thriving; and yet, the opposite was true. I have felt a closeness with Him that is so beautifully refreshing. One night, while I was so desperately sick, sitting on the bed sobbing and debating whether to go to urgent care, as Luke prayed for me, I felt as if Jesus was sitting right there on the bed with me. I cannot explain how tangible his presence felt, as if he was right there with me and with Luke, saying, "I know. I understand how you feel. I'm right here. I love you. And I'm not going anywhere." The tears only poured out harder as I rested in his arms, so to speak.

I would never advocate giving up reading your Bible. We need the sustenance that it provides if we are going to survive. But I am so encouraged and renewed, having experienced the sustaining power of a great and mighty God.

Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. Isaiah 46:4

You Want Me To Do What?

I have been praying for years that God would use me in extraordinary ways. I want to be sold out for Jesus. I want to do great things for the kingdom. I want to live a life that is worth remembering, one that will last for eternity and not be burned up like the chaff when all is said and done.

I want to do these great things.

Buuuut...

I don't want to do that.

What's "that"? That is all the everyday stuff that I've sort of pushed aside, ignored, excused away and just said "no" to that God has clearly called me to do.

Stuff like:

• Enriching my husband's life. (Prov. 31:11)
• Clothing my children. (Prov. 31:13)
• Feeding my family. (Prov. 31:14,15)
• Being a good steward of our family's finances. (Prov. 31:16)
• Opening my door to those who need a helping hand. (Prov. 31:20)
• Keeping a clean and attractive house. (Prov. 31:22)
• Being a helpmate to my husband so that he would be able to live a life worthy of praise. (Prov. 31:23)
• Filling my home with laughter and joy, not fear, frustration or anger. (Prov. 31:25)
• NOT BEING LAZY! (Prov. 31:27)

The Lord used three separate instances to make it very clear to me recently that: 

1. If I am a wife and a mother, which I am, then I do not have a choice about whether or not I do these things; this is a COMMAND to me.
2. I have been seriously lacking in many of these areas. I am not a fan (understatement of the year) of housework, and I have been allowing my husband, who actually does not mind most of it, to pick up where I am lacking.
3. AND THIS IS KEY!! IF I DO NOT PICK UP THE BALL, STAND UP AND OBEY THE LORD IN THIS AREA, I CAN GIVE UP ANY CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN ANY OTHER AREA OF MY LIFE, PARTICULARLY MINISTRY!

First and foremost, God has given us all a set of basic instructions on how we are to live our lives. This is the starting place. If we cannot be faithful in the small things, what makes us think that God will bless our ministries outside the home? (Luke 16:10)

Men, there are many verses which outline your responsibilities, particularly if you are a husband and a father, and I pray that you would be faithful to obey them. But, ladies, this is for us:

Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame to the word of God. Titus 2:3-5

It took a women's conference, a Sunday sermon and an e-devotional to finally break through my very thick skull, but the Lord was so graciously persistent and patient, and I think I finally got the message. I pray that we would all be faithful in the little things, which really aren't so little, before we attempt to take on the "bigger" things.

You've Got A Little "Crazy" On Your Face

I have always been confused by the concept of being "free from the power of sin and death", as Romans 8:2 boldly claims we are, and yet coming to terms with the fact that I still sin. On the one hand, I have absolutely no notion that it is even remotely possible or expected of us to be sinless. And yet, on the other hand, I think on some level, that is exactly what I expect of myself. And when I fail, as I inevitably always do, something breaks down inside of me that often sends me into a disobedient tailspin. And it looks a little something like this...

I'm really excited about________. (Insert given ministry event, small group gathering, or in this week's case, prayer and praise night being hosted at our home. These melt downs tend to occur in conjunction with an act of obedience/worship/service to the Lord, by the way.)

Things are going really well! The kids have been so great this week. My quiet times have been so special; I really feel like the Lord has been speaking to me. I don't care about all the silly, petty things of this world. My hope is in heaven. I'm really ready to spend some time with other believers, lifting up the things that will last for eternity. I love my family and I am so blessed to live in a great little house-- even if it is a little small. 

Today was tougher. The kids just aren't listening, I'm so tired, and I don't really feel like being patient or loving or gentle. When am I ever going to be the kind of mom I'm supposed to be? (You know. The kind that looks a lot like so and so. She certainly has it all together.) I'll try harder tomorrow.

Oh, why do I even try? I'm never going to live up to this impossible standard. I may as well just give up. The kids can watch videos today. I just need to veg out. (As I'm vegging out, I take a look around my house while simultaneously watching HGTV.) This house is so small!

(Start looking at rental listings online. Not finding what I hope to find. Melt down begins.)

(Luke comes home. I proceed to complain and pout. Decide that if dream home is out of reach, I will self-soothe with shopping and Starbucks. [Shamefully sighing and groaning now at petulance in the moment.]) 

(Fully aware of the fact that this behavior is unacceptable on so many levels, but all-in now; there's no turning back. [Did I mention that I'm quite stubborn?])

(Proceed to beat my husband over the head with every single thing that is wrong with this house and insist that moving is necessary. Get so worked up over a combination of frustrations with the living situation [some which are actually quite legitimate] and also the knowledge that I am running so far in the opposite direction of where I need to be with God and not quite sure how to stop the derailed train that I end up not being able to sleep-- for the second night in a row. [Did I also mention that I'm a little melodramatic?])

(Fully wallowing in it now...) I can't stand this house. I'm such a bad mother. I don't feel like talking to God. Who needs prayer anyways? I don't want to pray for our country. 

(Reflecting on my abominable behavior...) I'm so disgusting. What is wrong with me? I can't lead a prayer and praise night at my house this weekend! God can't use me. I'm such a mess. Even if I manage to get it all together again, that's so hypocritical! I can't just flip a switch and pretend like everything's fine and wonderful. I may as well just accept the fact that this is who I am and live like it; no sense putting up a fake front. (Did I mention melodramatic?)

Back to reality...

I tend to go through one of these tailspins just about every time I am preparing to serve in some way or engage in some kind of interaction with other believers. And I think this time, I've figured out why and maybe how to deal with it. And as much as I'm sure I will regret opening this door to my crazy brain for all of you to see, it is my sincere hope that (if you've stuck with me this far) these truths will help you to deal with similar situations when sin rears its ugly head in your life. Because as crazy as I feel sometimes, I can pretty safely bet that I'm not alone.

So, here's what I realized:

1. Being free from the power of sin DOES NOT MEAN that I am free from sin. I'm going to sin. I'm going to have bad days. Some much (much) worse than others. This is not the end of the world. I simply need to repent, get up and try again. I cannot become so devastated and defeated over the beginnings of sin that I simply give up and give way to full blown disobedience. (Romans 7:15-25)
2. Not living up to the ridiculous imaginary standards I have created in my head as a result of comparing myself to other women IS NOT the same as failing to live up to God's standards. I must stop trying to live in the image of other human beings and feeling like a failure when that (of course) does not work. I must, instead, strive to be fully ME in the image of CHRIST. I'm not like anyone else. I'm ME. And that's ok.
3. Making a mistake (or ten or twenty-- you know... basically falling off the deep end) DOES NOT mean that those failures now define me. I am bought with the blood of Christ, and when the FATHER (the only one who actually matters) looks at me, HE SEES HIS SON! (Exodus 12:13, Hebrews 9:13,14)
4. I DO NOT have it all together. Ever. At any point in time. I think I have somehow adopted the notion that when things are going well, it is because I have somehow risen above the pettiness of this world and have managed to find truth amid all the lies. That is the most ridiculous notion I could ever concoct! I don't ever have it "together". I am human. There is no good in me. And any time that I appear to be collected, it is purely by the GRACE OF GOD, end of story. He is good, and sometimes, that manifests itself in me. If I can realize that and stop feeling like it is my responsibility to maintain that goodness, then I can finally be free to let God do the work and not feel like I have somehow failed when that "perfection" is not so easily attainable.
5. Not only do I not have it all together,  but I absolutely must stop trying to maintain the image that I do. God does not require that I reach a certain level of "togetherness" before I am fit to do his work. God does not call the equipped; he equips the called! I have heard this said so many times, and yet, I have never truly believed it. And what's more, when I stumble and fall, when I am simply human, it does not make me a hypocrite to then continue with the work God has called me to. I am not being "fake"; I am simply a living example of what God is in the business of doing-- taking worthless, hopeless, sin-filled individuals and using them IN SPITE OF their immeasurable shortcomings. (1 Corinthians 1:25-31)

Regardless of how I end up in these messes, whether it's spiritual attack or just my own flesh getting in the way, I HAVE to remember these truths if I am going to survive, if my marriage is going to survive, if my family is going to survive, if my ministry is going to survive. I pray (yes, I'm still praying) that we would all let go of the false image of perfection, recognize that there is beauty in our individualities, and capitalize on the strength that God exercises IN OUR WEAKNESSES!

Let's all be a little less crazy this week. ;o)

Pretty Houses and Empty Homes

Then the Lord sent this message through the prophet Haggai: "Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? This is what the Lord of Heaven's Armies says: Look at what's happening to you! You have planted much but harvest little. You eat but are not satisfied. You drink but are still thirsty. You put on clothes but cannot keep warm. Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes!" Haggai 1:3-6

My husband and I are getting ready to host a prayer and praise night at our house this weekend with a group of friends to discuss Joel Rosenberg's new book, Implosion: Can America Recover From Its Economic and Spiritual Challenges In Time?. We hope the conversation about the book will spark something within each of us there that will leave us with a sense of immense urgency about sharing the gospel and seeing as many people as possible come to know Jesus before it's too late. We also plan to spend a good portion of the night in focused prayer for our nation, for our leaders, for the church, for the lost and for our own walks with the Lord. Heaven knows, we need it!

The verse above could just as easily apply to this generation of Americans as it did to the Israelites in 520B.C. The Israelites had been neglecting building God's temple for various reasons-- opposition from their neighbors and misplaced priorities, to name a couple. Instead, they were focused on "real life"-- tending their crops, improving their own houses and indulging in entertainment.

Sound familiar?

The problem was, because they were pursuing these things in place of their relationship with God, rather than as a result of it, the few things they were actually investing their time and effort into were failing and leaving them desperately wanting. They were planting crops, but harvesting nothing. They were eating, but still hungering. Drinking, but still thirsting. Reaping wages, but then losing them faster than they could count them!

And most importantly, while their houses were looking HGTV-ready, God's house was literally in shambles!

So, what does this look like for us today?

Today, as a result of the work Jesus completed on the cross, God does not dwell in a building anymore; he dwells within the individual believers themselves. We are the church; we are God's house! And we are lying in ruins! More than 80% of Americans claim to be "Christians", but there is a grave disconnect between that statistic and the direction this country as a whole is moving. We have told God to get out of our classrooms, out of our government, out of our businesses, out of our marriages and out of the way of our abortion clinics. We are flagrantly defying God's word, and no one seems to be all that concerned.

Where is the church?

Sadly, much of the church is more concerned with beautifying their homes, entertaining themselves and their children and tending to "real life" rather than tending to God's broken house. The church is hurting, and it's our job, through the power and strength of the Holy Spirit, to do something about it!

Believe me, I group myself in this category as much as anyone else. I would much rather be entertained than have to go out and actually serve another person or stand up for God's word and risk sounding like a bible-thumping lunatic, but people, if we don't answer God's call, no one will!

I pray that our gathering this weekend will begin a ripple that extends far beyond my little circle of friends. And I pray wholeheartedly that it's not the only one! I pray that you would choose to stand up and begin allowing God to use you to rebuild his church as well!

You will be hated all over the world because you are my followers. And many will turn away from me and betray and hate each other. And many false prophets will appear and will deceive many people. Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be saved. And the Good News about the Kingdom will be preached throughout the whole world, so that all nations will hear it; and then the end will come. Matthew 24:9-14

God Gets It All

"You defile [the sacrifices] by saying the altar of the LORD deserves no respect. When you give blind animals as sacrifices, isn't that wrong? And isn't it wrong to offer animals that are crippled and diseased? Try giving gifts like that to your governor, and see how pleased he is!" says the LORD of Heaven's Armies.

"Go ahead, beg God to be merciful to you! But when you bring that kind of offering, why should he show you any favor at all?" asks the LORD of Heaven's Armies.

"You say, 'It's too hard to serve the LORD,' and you turn up your noses at my commands," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies.

"Cursed is the cheat who promises to give a fine ram from his flock but then sacrifices a defective one to the Lord. For I am a great king," says the LORD of Heaven's Armies, "and my name is feared among the nations!" (Malachi 1:7b-9,13a,14)

Ouch! How often do I do this? How often do I give God the leftovers in my life, if anything at all sometimes, rather than the choice fruits, the first and the best?

When I struggle with feelings of anxiety and depression, sometimes I get lost in the cycle and can't distinguish anymore whether my failing relationship with God is a product of the physical and mental pain that I feel, or whether those aches and pains are the result of pulling away from God. Which came first-- the chicken or the egg? I'm sure there are enough opinions out there to support either side of that coin, but the truth is, it's probably a little bit of both.

We all have hurts and struggles in our lives that tend to either push us towards God or away from Him, and wherever you are right now, you and I both must understand two truths about God and his heart for us:

1. God's love and mercy are not dependent in any way, shape or form on what you or I do or don't do in our lives.

AND

2. The extent to which we live the FULL Christian life, as God intended for each of us, does depend on how much we are willing to put in.

First, we must understand that nothing we could ever do or fail to do could ever lessen or increase the amount of pure, unconditional love our God has for us. His mercy is never-ending, his faithfulness is unfaltering. If you have placed your trust in Jesus Christ, He has paid for your sins and rescued you from death. The price has been paid, and nothing will ever change that. You belong to Him forever. (John 3:16; Romans 5:8; Romans 8:37-39)

HOWEVER, and that's a BIG however...

God's mercy is not limitless. That is, his mercy and grace and blessing do not extend to every facet of your earthly life without boundary or cost. The only guarantee you have is your eternal salvation. Everything else within this earthly life is dependent upon how much you are willing to invest. This does not mean that if you are "good" and faithful in your walk with the Lord, that material blessings will automatically fall from the sky; God is not a vending machine that we insert our prayers and sacrifices into and reap an immediate and tangible reward from. However, the Christian life does grow and thrive as a result of our obedience to God, and that life requires immense sacrifice in order to be lived to its fullest intended extent (John 16:33; Matthew 8:19-20; Matthew 19:21; Romans 12:1). Just as the Israelites were required to offer animal sacrifices of the utmost quality, so we are required to offer God the first and best of our daily lives.

God gets it all! Not the leftovers, not the last and the least, but the first fruits, the best and the greatest. If we offer him anything less, how can we hope to have the kind of peace and contentment that only come from the richness of his blessing and favor?

"Go ahead, beg God to be merciful to you! But when you bring that kind of offering, why should he show you any favor at all?" asks the LORD of Heaven's Armies.

To Love God...

Netflix is a wonderful thing! I watched a documentary today called Bonhoeffer, a moving presentation of the life of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, a German theologian and conspirator who boldly took a stand against Adolf Hitler when the rest of Germany, and most of the world at that point, was standing idly by, and a stand for Jesus in a way that was truly revolutionary for Germany at the time.

I have always had a great love and really just an interest in the Jewish people and culture. And the Holocaust has always been a topic of particular interest for me. I remember writing my first report on it in the 5th grade and reading The Diary of Anne Frank around the same time. For me as a young girl, it was as if I had befriended sweet Anne and had then lost her to this frightening war through the pages of the book. From then on, I became nearly obsessed with immersing myself in this period of history, and in doing so, falling more and more in love with this precious people of the Lord's. To this day, certain particularly powerful books such as Corrie Ten Boom's The Hiding Place and Elie Wiesel's Night have played a central role in solidifying that passion of mine and tying me that much tighter to the Jewish people.

Over the years, as I have studied the history of these people from the time of Abraham in the pages of the Bible to the Holocaust and even to today, and as I have grown simultaneously in my walk with the Lord, I have come to realize and acknowledge this impermeable truth:

To love God is to love the Jews.

And as I watched this documentary today, I was reminded yet again of the responsibility, the calling and the need of the church to stand by Israel as much today as ever. Germany had Adolf Hitler. And today, Iran has Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Hitler wiped out 6 million Jews. If Ahmadinejad has his way, he will far exceed that number, not to mention what he hopes to do to the United States, a nation he refers to openly as the Great Satan.

Though not expecting it, this movie, which was focused on World War II and the work of Dietrich Bonhoeffer to stand against Hitler, stood out for me today as an eerily accurate description of the kind of revival and revolt that needs to occur today in this country. I just started reading Joel Rosenberg's new non-fiction book Implosion this week, and I could not have chosen a more perfect pairing for it than this movie.

After watching the movie, I recorded this prayer in my private journal and feel that a part of it must be shared with you here. I pray that it would become your prayer as well:

Lord, we need a revolution in this country as much today, if not more, as we did in the days of Hitler. We need a return to You and to Your ways. We need to be awakened to the dangers facing Israel yet again today and we need to stand firmly with her as you have commanded us to do. (Genesis 12:3, Genesis 27:29) 

Lord, please effect a revival in this country. Please wake up the sleeping church. So many Christians are just barely getting by in their walks with you, much less thriving. 

Lord, please light a fire in the hearts of every true believer in this country, to get up, to take their marching orders seriously, to be bold in their calling...

Lord, let the church wake up and GO and tell the lost about you! (Romans 10:14-17)

Lord, please ignite a new fire in the homes of true believers everywhere, that they might not be satisfied with "good enough", but that they might be voraciously hungry for true repentance and revival within their own homes.

Lord, may you call our little ones to you at the earliest possible age, that they may never be far from you. And may you strengthen and fortify our marriages, that Satan may never have even the slightest foothold on this sacred and irreplaceably key element to the survival of our society.

Jesus, call your church back to you. Oh, Holy Spirit, move in this country. Jesus, prepare your church for your imminent return! Get us ready to meet you in the air. You are coming back, Lord, and you are coming soon! (John 14:2,3)

Maranatha! Come quickly, Lord Jesus! Amen!

Green Looks Good On You

In most walks of life, jealousy is not typically a praise-worthy attribute; but in the Christian life, it is paramount!

What do I mean?

Jealousy can be defined as a vigilance in maintaining or guarding something. And when that thing that we are guarding is worthy of defense, a healthy desire to hold onto it at all costs is necessary and good.

Much like righteous anger, something Jesus both spoke of and exhibited himself during his ministry on earth (Matthew 21:12-13, John 2:17, Mark 3:5), a righteous jealousy can be an incredibly powerful catalyst for positive action and change in our lives.

First, let's talk about being the object of someone's obsession. Did you know that the God of the universe, the God who created you and every other person on this planet, is actually jealous for you?! He loves you with an unrelenting passion, and he is jealous for your affection.

... for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. Exodus 34:14

For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17

For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. Psalm 103:11  

Talk about extraordinary love! I know that my husband loves me with unmatchable passion and strength. And I know that the love we both feel for our children is unlike anything we ever even dreamed possible, so great that it hurts at times! And yet, those loves pale so drastically in comparison to this LOVE that your God feels for you.

He is JEALOUS for you!

. . .

Are you jealous for Him?

Are you jealous for time with Him? Does it pain you to miss out on spending time reading his word and praying when other things in your life take precedence? 

For me... sometimes, it doesn't. Sometimes I lose that passion for my Savior. Sometimes I'm content to let other gods and other idols take his place. Sometimes, I'm just not that jealous for my God. And quite frankly, sometimes I'm just not that jealous for his ways. Sometimes, I'm content to let my ways and the world's ways and the enemy's ways become the norm. Sometimes, I forget that without a passionate jealousy for His ways, without an unquenchable, active desire to see Him glorified, I simply grow complacent. I stop caring. And I grow calloused. And before I know it, it doesn't even feel wrong anymore. It just feels... normal.

My God deserves so much more! He requires so much more!

He may be jealous for us, for our love and our devotion; but he is also extraordinarily jealous for his own glory. He does not share his praise and his glory with anyone or anything.

You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. Exodus 20:5

The LORD is a jealous God, filled with vengeance and rage. He takes revenge on all who oppose him and continues to rage against his enemies! Nahum 1:2 

We have been called to put on our armor (Ephesians 6:10-17) and fight for our God and for his ways. We have a responsibility to stand up and say, "We will not settle for anything less!" We were never meant to follow Jesus half-heartedly. And we were never meant to do it quietly or privately. 

What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the housetops for all to hear! Matthew 10:27

I pray that my children would develop a passionate jealousy for the God who loves them and for his ways. I pray that they would never cease to fight with all that they have for their good and His glory. I pray that I would model that strength for them. I pray that, as a family, we would actually effect change in the world around us, that we wouldn't merely aim to survive or "fit in". And I pray these things for you!

This God is YOUR God! Don't ever let anyone or anything steal that truth away from you!